Failure

By now it's probably pretty clear, if you've been following along, that my attempt on the 48 did not go as planned. On the first day I ran Carrigain quite well, with a two and a half hour round trip, then three hours on the Willey Range. I was 45 minutes ahead of schedule. Soon after that I began to have stomach problems and I stopped eating. On the first half of the Presi Traverse some cracks began to show and I started to vomit repeatedly after Mount Isolation. My pace got slow... very slow and I began to realize that I was setting myself up for a long, cold and wet night on the northern Presidentials, well behind schedule. Maybe I should have fought through, but the bottom line is that I didn't and I took the Tuckerman Ravine Trail down to Pinkham where I quit.

I spent the next few days just kind of mellowing out with my wife in the hotel room I'd already paid for, watching heavy rain and thunder outside much of the time. I'm not sure I would have succeeded under those conditions anyway, but in hindsight I'm disappointed in myself for not making a better showing. A lot of people took time out of their schedules to help me, and I wish I could have made it more worth their while. There's nothing they could have done better and my failure is entirely on me. I'd been feeling a little off all week but dismissed it as nerves, though I likely had a stomach bug that was aggravated by the exertion. My wife and daughter came down with similar symptoms in the following days. That;s what I keep telling myself anyway.

It's been over a week, time I've spent reflecting, and I'm not sure I want to keep doing this to myself. 100+ mile races take a lot out of not only me, but also my also from my growing responsibilities to those around me. On the other hand, I do have some talent that it would be a shame not to cultivate and leaving the 48 unfinished will chew at me for a long time. Part of the reason I've put off this post for so long that I'm still not sure what I'm going to do next. We shall see...